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My life briefly

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My life briefly

Postby Unknown Dude » Fri Jan 02, 2015 2:45 pm

Hey everyone, an online friend of mine told me to join the forum and get some help so here it goes. I've experienced a lot of difficult stages/traumatic events throughout my life and every bad event happens it leaves me even worse than ever and it's the 3rd year in a row to have depression. I lost joy in stuff that I used to enjoy doing like playing video games or going out with friends and whenever my friends tell me to go out with them I'm like: "I got stuff to do." I would be very energetic and in a split second I get severely depressed. I'd be like: "You guys are the best!" And suddenly I would curse at them. I would **** everyone off (even my bestfriends) and make them hate me and suddenly I'd be like: "Why did I do this" and I'd text them saying sorry and I do them same thing the next day (this episode can last for weeks and happens every now and then and the period varies.) When I get back from school I lock my door and when it's lunch or dinner time I take the food and eat in my eat in my room. I don't talk much with people, I have few friends and I suffer from Social Anxiety. I noticed that when someone asks me something I would respond in a rude way that I didn't mean to and I'd hurt their feelings without even knowing (as if my brain is in a comma.) I've been experiencing a lot of racing thoughts and flashbacks of the worst stuff that happened to me and my failures which makes me over think and it gets me a splitting headache. I do stuff that I don't know the reason for doing it. I think I don't deserve to be happy or be better. When it gets the worst I start self harming. I have a different way of thinking than others so nobody understands me and I'll be left alone. Sometimes I lack feelings in a hard situation and sometimes I'd be very sensitive and fragile in silly ones. I get nervous when someone keep looking at me and I can't keep looking into someone's eyes too long. T first time I heard voices was a girl screaming as if she was beaide me. The second one was a girl crying and the third one was a man laughing.
Just a useless loser who doesn't deserve to live.
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Re: My life briefly

Postby Sid » Sat Jan 03, 2015 9:35 pm

Hello :)
I am the person who sent you the invitation. Welcome! I am glad you could make it! I hope you like it here. I know that this is where I feel the most at home and I am hoping the same goes for you. -Sid

PS If you need to talk feel free to send me a PM.
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Re: My life briefly

Postby Unknown Dude » Mon Jan 05, 2015 9:16 pm

Hey Sid! :) I hope you are doing well. Will do :)
Just a useless loser who doesn't deserve to live.
Unknown Dude
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2015 2:30 pm

Re: My life briefly

Postby Sid » Tue Jan 06, 2015 9:28 pm

Hello :)
Sorry I haven't been posting. I have been working a lot. I hope all is well. -Sid
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Re: My life briefly

Postby cucumberofdoom » Sat Jan 10, 2015 12:21 am

Hello Unknown Dude. Welcome to the forum.

Unknown Dude wrote: Sometimes I lack feelings in a hard situation and sometimes I'd be very sensitive and fragile in silly ones.


I think i know what you mean there. I have the same thing. I think this is what they call "inappropriate affect".
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Re: My life briefly

Postby Always_Question » Sat Jan 10, 2015 6:49 pm

hello and welcome. I am recovering from a trip so I am not feeling well, but I wanted to say that you are welcome here.

My brain is too foggy right now to think well. Talking is difficult for me when this happens.
If my post does not make sense, is too vague, or incoherent, ask for clarification if it would be helpful.

Dx's: Schizoaffective Disorder, Schizotypal PD, Boarderline traits, and Anxiety disorders
Rx: Gabapentin and Clonazepam.
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Location: Texas

Re: My life briefly

Postby Unknown Dude » Fri Jan 30, 2015 6:53 pm

Always_Question wrote:hello and welcome. I am recovering from a trip so I am not feeling well, but I wanted to say that you are welcome here.

My brain is too foggy right now to think well. Talking is difficult for me when this happens.


Thanks :) and welcome back. Hope you're feeling better now :). Sorry for late reply, I haven't checked this post for awhile.
Just a useless loser who doesn't deserve to live.
Unknown Dude
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2015 2:30 pm

Re: My life briefly

Postby Unknown Dude » Fri Jan 30, 2015 6:56 pm

cucumberofdoom wrote:Hello Unknown Dude. Welcome to the forum.

Unknown Dude wrote: Sometimes I lack feelings in a hard situation and sometimes I'd be very sensitive and fragile in silly ones.


I think i know what you mean there. I have the same thing. I think this is what they call "inappropriate affect".

Thanks mate :)
Just a useless loser who doesn't deserve to live.
Unknown Dude
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2015 2:30 pm

Re: My life briefly

Postby schizobot » Tue Feb 17, 2015 6:50 pm

Hello unknown dude, i can relate to your story. The not showing appropiate affect is really not cool at some point in life.
I figured it out a little bit to as how it works in my brain
People i see and talk to work as a mirror. When something happens or someone says something i don't see the person but all my past failures and expriences with all the fears accompanied. When a situation embarasses me, i freeze and the damage control kicks in. I cannot show emotions and, with respect for autists, i do become like one

and welcome to the forum
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Re: My life briefly

Postby ThursdayAfternoon » Sat Sep 17, 2016 10:03 am

Hi,

thanks for sharing your experiences here. It's very helpful for me that I'm not alone with these feelings.

I hope you are doing well. :)
I'm sorry for my bad english.
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