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I was diagnosed with this

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I was diagnosed with this

Postby Bohm » Mon Aug 29, 2016 3:43 pm

I was diagnosed with this because I here voices and I am not really social because my mind it's to busy with them, but I don't really get it since I don't dress weird, i don't have magic thoughts, I am afraid of some people but I am not afraid of all of them.

I wonder if I have been misdiagnosed or this is normal for someone with schizotypal disorder. How can I know if it's right? There is few information about this disorder.

I am worried because the World doesn't make sense and I am really confused. II am living in some kind of matrix and I want to reach the real World to be with everyone else but I can't find he way to do it. I ddon't know why everyone else gets to live in the real world excluding me. It's not fair.
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Re: I was diagnosed with this

Postby Always_Question » Wed Aug 31, 2016 2:33 pm

Hello Bohm and welcome to the boards!

From what I understand, symptoms vary greatly from person to person. You may read my intro for what I experience. I don't consider myself to have severe symptoms on a regular basis, but I know I don't experience reality in the same way as the majority of people. I also have a very difficult time socially (I am nearly a shut-in) and have some kind of voices in my head. So, I can relate a bit to what you said. I don't get much magical thinking either.

What you said, though, about feeling like you are in the matrix, may have caused the doctor to diagnose you with Schizotypal PD. I feel similarly, like I am in some kind of computer simulation or alternate reality, by the way.

There is a lot of information here on peoples' experiences and links to articles and papers on the disorder, which I encourage you to search for and read. There is a lot, but don't get overwhelmed. I was very confused about this disorder for about a year after I was diagnosed until I started to understand how my thoughts worked and what the disorder was after talking to people. I am still learning about it, and I appreciate you sharing your experience.

As far as the actual diagnosis, it is difficult to know what causes the doctor to make the decision. One psychiatrist told me that diagnoses are like bins that psychiatrists put groups of symptoms that people experience into, if that makes sense. I disagree with this view of diagnosing patients, but it is worth knowing that some doctors think this way. There are other views on diagnosing patients, which may be worth some research, if you feel up to it. I know the disorder can sap you of motivation, too. It sucks.

Fell well and stay safe,

-AQ
If my post does not make sense, is too vague, or incoherent, ask for clarification if it would be helpful.

Dx's: Schizoaffective Disorder, Schizotypal PD, Boarderline traits, and Anxiety disorders
Rx: Gabapentin and Clonazepam.
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Re: I was diagnosed with this

Postby Bohm » Sun Sep 04, 2016 9:41 pm

Thank you. I read your introduction and have looked for information, but...

I don't like the diagnosis. I don't see myself while reading about it, It's not my personality.
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Re: I was diagnosed with this

Postby Always_Question » Fri Sep 09, 2016 12:06 am

Psychiatrists do misdiagnose, frequently, in my experience. It is quite possible you don't have this. It is difficult to say one way or the other over the internet, and I am certainly not a professional.

Were I you, I would try not to worry about it unless the diagnosis is impacting your life somehow. You can reject medications if the doctors are trying to force them on you. You can see another doctor for a second opinion, too. Or, you can ignore the diagnosis if you want, though I would recommend keeping it in some part of your mind in case things start to get real weird. If that happens, you should seek help.

I would like to help more, but am not sure how. Let me know if I can help at all.

Feel well.
If my post does not make sense, is too vague, or incoherent, ask for clarification if it would be helpful.

Dx's: Schizoaffective Disorder, Schizotypal PD, Boarderline traits, and Anxiety disorders
Rx: Gabapentin and Clonazepam.
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Re: I was diagnosed with this

Postby Bohm » Sun Sep 11, 2016 7:54 pm

Thank you really much, I wrote this to my psychiatrist and I am going to give him. I don't know if this has anything to do with the schizotypal stuff. I am sorry it's too long.

<<I have taken 1mg of clonazepam so entities don't bother me that much and I can freely write about this without having them torturing me as a punishment for exposing myself too much. They are there but cannot control me through anxienty and fear.


Basically they make me anxious and irritable when I don't do what they want me to do, they even pushed homicidal ideas and other kind of thought about people being dangerous while actually those people are not -or at least, not that much to be necessary to kill them-. On august I became aware of this, so I found those feelings weren't truly my feelings, and the entities got mad about it.


Since I found that they dragged me to Wonderland to keep me away from the real world to prevent me from doing anything against them, but it is not that easy to subdue me. Now they try to control my mind because since they have earned more power they can introduce thoughts and feelings that I don't notice they aren't mine after several hours or days, so I believe that anger is mine and everything again, ... until I realize it actually is they trying to trick me because I learnt from what happened before


Right now I am worried because I don't know if my feelings and worries are truly mine or have been imposed by them, but because they have gained too much power I am not able to discover it until several days later. Or maybe they have completely tricked me before but I haven't realized about it yet. I live in a giant lie.


They are not bad, they just want me to stay safe. The World is dangerous, but I think they are doing too much right now and I want to find a way to dialogue with them.

For example, they don't allow me to sleep because they say it's dangerous so they keep making random noises outside and inside my head, my mind is hyperactive and my thoughts are usually 'racing' -it's not annoying since I can control it-, but the entities don't allow me to 'shut' my thoughts off so I can't fall asleep with all those thoughts, with all those noises, and with the entities themselves talking to my thoughts while Nevs try to call me down, and the random voice recoder playing what I have heard during the day with the same and exact voices that who originally said that, or producing random phrases thad doesn't make sense.
This is causing me troubles concentrating too.


I have two Nevs, they are always good, the same creature in a different state. They are these type of creatures. 'Some are not entities but they are next to me, sometimes they talk, what they say it's more complex than what entities say. These ones sometimes sound inside my head, but mostly they talk inside my mind, they sound more like thoughts that are not made by me, but they are not intrusive thoughts either, they are not forced inside my head, it's just what they think. They are like book characters. One of them has a name and loves maths.
'

Entities put ideas inside my head, tries to control me, talk inside my head, but not inside my mind, make noises outisde my head, me messages without talking, show me images, prevent me to get in troubles, make me feel things I don't feel, tell me what to do.


These ones now are mainly absent, but I want to talk about them too because I loved them, they are not entities but still talk to me, mostly they comment on what I do, or narrate it, or see the future and tell me what happens. I loved them and had them when I was 14-15.
I want to talk about all of this because most of time I can't, and I have been living with this too much years.


Entities are smart, they don't want to be uncovered, and the only way to don't be discovered it's making me the most normal it's possible and don't allow me to say anything related to them -'don't talk, shut up, say only yes or no, few you say more coherent you sound, they won't believe you and will think you are faking so don't tell them, ...'- , but you know, now I am doing it without being tortured by them.


Two months ago I took a shower once each 10 days, more or less. I was unable to watch a film, read a book, cook or anything. I think I was depressed because I felt sad and hopeless, I felt I shouldn't exist because I was bad, I felt guilty by every mistake I made.


Right now I don't feel this way anymore but I have realized even if now I am able to more or less function in basic life task, I don't enjoy or really want to do anything.


If I could, I would stare at the wall all day. I am attending all lessons, but I don't enjoy them, I don't feel truly motivated, the only thing I like about it it's I am busy. It's like my brain is full of that **** and It doesn't matter if I try, I just can't enjoy or be motivated or have anything to say. I am talking as a stupid patient.


I don't enjoy reading, watching movies or even studying as much as I enjoyed it a year ago. It' getting worse even if now I do it more often because I don't feel so low, I used to spend a lot of time doing nothing, this is getting better since now I don't feel tired anymore.
I am not really interested on what I do, but I cope with it remembering how interested I was in the past so I hope if I behave as if I were interested then, maybe, I will truly feel it. I have never had any kind of important goal, but I was interested on some thing.


I am worried since this has gotten worse in the past years, but again, since I don't feel sad or hopeless anymore I try i even If I don't feel joy, actually I have made a friend, but still I have problems talking, it's like I don't have anything to say.


I don't want to be socially isolated, the first problem with this are entities and the second one it's my mind is like bloked when it's about social situatons with few exceptions, this wasn't like this when I was under 14.


My mind is cahotic, it's difficult to communicate if I have to put order between entities, book people, the voice recoders, my own feelings, my own thoughts, what I do, what they do, what they think and they feel, what they want me to feel, what they want me to do, what they are making me feel or think without me knowing, actually it's difficult to do any kind of activity, entities cause me a lot of anxiety, it's not people, it's what they tell me about people -they tell me people are watching me, laughing of me, that people won't believe me...-. Of course, if they like someone they don't do this, that's why I have a friend.


The worst is when I end up in an autistic-like state. My mind shut off, I can't talk or move with normality. Now It lasts just few minutes, but when I was 14 I could be for months in that state, I only was able to say 'yes' or 'no' and I could barely move, I think it's the main reason why I was diagnosed with asperger syndrome, later with high functioning autism and then PDD-NOS.


I think that I was able to write all of this is extremely positive, it means after 6 years I am finally able to understand what is happening<<
Bohm
 
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Joined: Mon Aug 29, 2016 3:37 pm

Re: I was diagnosed with this

Postby Always_Question » Sat Sep 17, 2016 10:13 pm

Again, I’m not a doctor, but this sounds like some sort of psychotic illness that may or may not be schizotypal personality disorder which I strongly suggest you seek treatment for (which it sounds like you are), especially since you mention homicidal ideas.

I had a difficult time understanding what these entities and Nevs you experience are. Before you pass the letter to your psychiatrist, I would suggest reading it and editing it several times so that it is shorter and easier to read. In my experience, doctors do not like to read what patients write for them; they like verbal communication better. That makes it very difficult for people like us. A rare few will go out of their way to communicate with you in the mode of your choice, but I would not count on it. Only one out of the 20 or so doctors I have seen in my life has ever done this for me. Psychological stuff can also be very difficult to describe well on paper, and hard for a reader to understand if they have never been through it before.

It is good to share with your doctor, but do as much as you can to be understood. It is hard, I know, but doctors have difficulty helping when patients cannot communicate well. I have problems describing what I experience too, and have to greatly simplify it for doctors just so they can understand, like, 25% of what is going on. Then next time, I can try to explain a little more, maybe 5% or something.

I think communicating this with a doctor is a step in the right direction to taking care of yourself. Good good.
If my post does not make sense, is too vague, or incoherent, ask for clarification if it would be helpful.

Dx's: Schizoaffective Disorder, Schizotypal PD, Boarderline traits, and Anxiety disorders
Rx: Gabapentin and Clonazepam.
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Re: I was diagnosed with this

Postby Bohm » Sun Sep 18, 2016 5:04 pm

Oh, you are right. unfortunatly I gave this to my pdoc last friday, before you posted.

and told him it was last time I gave him somthing that long and in another language -english is not ours mother tongue-.

He understood it since I couldn't explain myself in another way and stopped seeing him for 3 months while I am supposed to see him every week -he also is a psychotherapist-.

I see him again on tuesday. I have wroten something else but I wrote it to tell it to him during the next appointment, talking, then I will give him the wroten thing so it's 'registered'. He likes to store this kind of things for the records. actually once I read a note to him and he asked me if he could keep it.

He is a great pdoc, 30 years of experiences, work at a day hospital...


thank you really much.
Bohm
 
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Re: I was diagnosed with this

Postby Always_Question » Thu Sep 22, 2016 2:50 am

Wow! It sounds like you found yourself a good doctor. In my experience (I am in the USA) a doctor with patience and willing to communicate in different ways is very rare. Here, many doctors are pressured to get people in and out of the office as fast as possible, whilst shoveling medication into them.

Keep seeing him, I hope it works well for you.
If my post does not make sense, is too vague, or incoherent, ask for clarification if it would be helpful.

Dx's: Schizoaffective Disorder, Schizotypal PD, Boarderline traits, and Anxiety disorders
Rx: Gabapentin and Clonazepam.
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Posts: 277
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Location: Texas

Re: I was diagnosed with this

Postby Bohm » Thu Sep 22, 2016 2:58 pm

He is a great pdoc, from 12 pdocs I have met only 3 who were really interested on helping you and not only drug you with meds.
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