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Arguments with the precious few friends

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Arguments with the precious few friends

Postby Leonoratu » Thu Feb 27, 2014 10:47 pm

How do you deal with this?

Social questioning about the level of care you have for your friends, how do you respond? Guilty for being egocentrical? Or is it absorption by the panorama of extraordinary perceptions we have?

I do care for my (very few) friends but on the other hand trying to keep sane involves all kinds of research and reasoning !

Basically my question is:

Are we schizotypicals egocentrical? How do you prevent arguments if you are?
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Re: Arguments with the precious few friends

Postby Always_Question » Fri Feb 28, 2014 3:01 am

That is a difficult question. I will just take it at face value, and I can only answer for myself.

I believe I am egocentric. For example I only allow people to be around me when I want them to be. My main concern is for myself and my own happiness and well-being.

I rarely encounter arguments, in fact, I avoid them. I can get easily confused in arguments and embarrass myself. So, I do my best to hold my tongue when something I want to argue is said, for example, a misconception about mental health.

I'm not sure if that answers the question, maybe you can clarify a bit for me?
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Dx's: Schizoaffective Disorder, Schizotypal PD, Boarderline traits, and Anxiety disorders
Rx: Gabapentin and Clonazepam.
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Re: Arguments with the precious few friends

Postby Leonoratu » Fri Feb 28, 2014 9:43 am

Thank you for your answer, yes I very much care for my friend but not for all the trivial things she is involved in (job interviews and such). But I am VERY much interested in being a comforter and an inspired person that taps into the universe to offer help. I kinda want to eclipse the incident and support the person.

This must sound useless and mad to most people.

I know that sounds terrible because for her this jobinterview was a *life event* but thats how it is. I am not sure if she is mad at me or understands what SPD is. It feels horrible that after a diagnose your credibility sinks. I do wonder if being under professional psychiatric help will alter the relationship with friends and family.

I do not think its egocentrical to stay in your power, its stopping pretending to be someone else. We SPD put a lot of energy into fitting into society and because of my recent diagnosis I do not have energy left to appear as a very social person noting the agenda of others.
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Re: Arguments with the precious few friends

Postby Always_Question » Fri Feb 28, 2014 3:50 pm

It sounds like your diagnosis was pretty recent. Events that lead up to a diagnosis, or just the diagnosis itself, can be tiring for quite some time. It also take some time to sort things out. I'm not sure where you are in that process, but perhaps it would be beneficial for you to focus more on how to maintain yourself before being too involved on your friends life.

It is likely your friend does not know what SPD is. I would say most people do not. In my experience, people hear the "schizo" part and think "schizophernia", which is inaccurate. My counselor did not know what it was until after she met me. If you think it might be helpful for the relationship, you might consider pointing out some resources about the disorder to her so that she can understand you better.

I can understand how you don't care for the trivial things in your friends life. It is hard for me to care about these things as well. I would suggest you try to listen as best as possible to her for a reasonable amount of time, then move the conversation along to something else once it seems like your friend has discussed her stuff enough. Maybe that would be a good compromise.

Hope that helps.
If my post does not make sense, is too vague, or incoherent, ask for clarification if it would be helpful.

Dx's: Schizoaffective Disorder, Schizotypal PD, Boarderline traits, and Anxiety disorders
Rx: Gabapentin and Clonazepam.
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Re: Arguments with the precious few friends

Postby T.A. Anderson » Fri Feb 28, 2014 4:50 pm

It was something AQ said that reminded me that schizotypy is a SPECTRUM order (no more dis), meaning the symptoms and their intensity vary greatly. Seems like there are a few common threads, for instance, what "normal" people would consider the odd way we think. Egocentricity like empathy are a mixed bag for schizotypals. I'm venturing way outside my educational background but I am thinking that empathy may be the key to higher level functioning amongst schizotypals, and can be learned. There are two types of empathy--cognitive and affective. The latter is the "I feel your pain" and can not be learned. And I really do feel it especially if I witness it up close. But that type of empathy causes me considerable disfunction and can trip me from schizotypy to schizophrenia. The cognitive empathy "imagining yourself in their shoes" is something that is experience based and can be learned. We can all do it. It is not how you would react if in their shoes, it is how you recall others reacting in similar situations. With that cognitive empathy you can "role play" your way as a normal person and blend in. I have been an under cover secret agent pretending to be normal my entire life. When I get tripped up is when the affective empathy results in PTSD and starts me schizotripping. Egocentricity and affective empathy may be mutually exclusive, but not egocentricity and cognitive empathy. Even psychopaths can pretend to care. I see lots of them doing it in my profession.

The egocentricity thing may be more related to underlying personality type or at least type plays a significant role. I think everyone needs to take one of free personality type tests. http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp
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Re: Arguments with the precious few friends

Postby Leonoratu » Sat Mar 01, 2014 1:31 pm

Update:The unrest is over, it was a misunderstanding.

First of all: thank you T.A. Anderson and Always Question.

I know how hard it is to overcome that basic feeling of loss when you share your feeling or insight. It is my feeling that in our schizotypical world energy is the currency instead of the money in the more or less material world. So thank you for taking time to answer on this forum, its already very difficult to find communicative schizotypical patients:

My friend did not answer my phonecalls, all I knew was I failed in my friendship and after question the verdict was: guilty of forgetting a important life event of friend and failing to listen and care.

This was very upsetting to me and ofcourse I made it into a big anxiety thing combined with conspiracy theories etc. When after 3 more phonecalls the next day I decided this level of stress is not worth it and I should retreat to solitude. Then she called and I listened and knew it was allright by the tone of voice. Also I did not forget but she didnt tell me because of her own insecurities. I always look at my relationships to the person not to the things they do or have in their agenda's. I dont go to parties or birthdays not my own either.

I can understand why people prefer to be isolated and more or less outside society, it prevents misunderstandings like this triggering major unrest.

egocentric: people say I am a good listener and a better talker, just not so good in the mimicking of social behavior, its possible but it makes me unhappy. Being myself around other people basically makes me run out of energy and exhausted mentally because I notice how different I am but also dont want to adjust anymore. I guess as you grow older you become more accepting of yourself and being different.
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Re: Arguments with the precious few friends

Postby Leonoratu » Sat Mar 01, 2014 1:33 pm

I just wanted to add this:

Her insecurity about my level of care and interest for my friend let to a very unsettling 'interview'

I had to answer questions about my friendship, sincerity, truth, agenda, etc. Ofcourse I grew more paranoid at each question and to be honest I dont think I will ever forget it. Is it something that happened to me or a biological thing, this fear of people, even the close ones?
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Re: Arguments with the precious few friends

Postby Always_Question » Sat Mar 01, 2014 2:20 pm

I would say the fear of people is common among schizotypals. I was married for 5 years, and I had sessions where I was questioned like that for no apparent reason (at least to me). Over the last 7 years or so I have noticed that I have become more isolated because of my fear of people. The only people I regularly talk to now are my girlfriend and my mother, but I still get uncomfortable around both.
Last edited by Always_Question on Sat Mar 01, 2014 9:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.
If my post does not make sense, is too vague, or incoherent, ask for clarification if it would be helpful.

Dx's: Schizoaffective Disorder, Schizotypal PD, Boarderline traits, and Anxiety disorders
Rx: Gabapentin and Clonazepam.
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Re: Arguments with the precious few friends

Postby Leonoratu » Sat Mar 01, 2014 3:40 pm

Again, thank you, its very much appreciated.

Its helpful to read how others deal with this 'disorder' :thumbsup:
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