Schizotypal Forum

... that your disorder is preventing you from doing. What are they?

For me, I'd like to:
Be able to really talk to people without feeling insecure, paranoid or socially disabled.
Be able to connect with people emotionally, especially my family.
Have more energy (I'm severely affected by negative symptoms).

There are so many things that I wish were different about myself that are connected with SPD. There are several that top the list, though, and here they are:

I'd love to be able to make friends.
I yearn to be able to talk to people of the opposite sex without feeling and/or being completely inept, and to someday meet my soulmate and sweep her off her feet.
I want to overcome the apathy that overwhelms me on a daily basis, reducing me from an A student in my first two decades of life to a C and D student in the last several.
I want to be able to feel any sort of long-term happiness, contentment.

Make more friends with peopole.
Be more powerful in my work.
Make real love relationships with woman rather than imaginary...

I make friends but the friendships don't last.
I dream a lot but the dreams rarely come true
I have female friends but they are not the right type of female friends (it seems like all the females I meet suffer from being nymphomaniacs and couldn't connect with me on my intellect level)
I want to pay attention but my mind is never on topic
I want to dance without 2 left feet
I want to be popular and respected instead of viewed as a bufoon
I want to finish a task sucessfully
I want to have a family but fear I missed the boat
I want to get over my paranoia and move on but I keep coming back to that and getting stuck

I want to not be afraid of people. Then I could be in the world not scared of them and feel like a human being instead of an alien like I feel now. Then I would do things, I don't know exactly what, but things like regular people. Maybe I would want to write a book.

I'd like to do a lot of what's been already listed, hehe. I'm always getting caught up in my rail of thoughts even through prolonged exposure to social settings.

One thing I reallly want to get over is where to place my eyesight when walking among people. I'm paranoid and yet so sensitive to the feelings of others at times I feel like just simply having my eyes fall on other people in places like supermarkets or school just walking around is something to be avoided for THEIR sake. It causes me such exhaustion...I know its a situational thing and not really a goal but it's really frustrating.