Schizotypal Disorder Resources & Support Forum

first a small introduction:

hello everyone! my name is Mattias, im 23 years old and im from Sweden. the reason why im
bothering all of you on this forum is because ive got a curiousity considering my own mental
status, and i thought that if i would share it with you guys, you might shed some light over my
thoughts.

as youve probably guessed by now, im at least interested in StPD, (its obviously against some
unwritten law here in sweden to suspect your mental disorders, thats the doctors job, so lets
just say im interested in it), and my doctor has diagnosed me as psychotic, a shrink that i met
two times diagnosed my episodes as psychotic-like, and some other woman that i go to (i think
shes a therapist, but not sure) called it pre-psychosis.

i think they are all wrong, and this is why:

first of all, im sociophobic. im not scared of making a fool out of myself and im not self-
concious, but i hate to have people around me. im quiet, shy, and very uncomfortable. sometimes
im suspicious of other people.

i dont like walking outdoors in daytime, and i hate meeting people, passing them by, or having
people walking behind me. it makes me really uncomfortable. i also hate walking by peopel
sitting on benches etc, cause it always feels like they are talking or laughing about me.

i have very few friends, whom i dont meet that often. most of them live abroad, and only
one lives within a walking distance from me. and i usually get this urge of being alone
when im with other people. like something pulling me towards loneliness.

ive been in relationships, but always ended up with extreme paranoid ideas, and fearing the girl
in question is plotting something against me, and i examine every piece of information i can
find, in every possible way, and i get very preoccupied with it. i wouldnt call it delusions
though, cause im always aware of the irrational with my ideation, yet i stick to them. i have by
now given up pretty much all hope of having a relationship that would actually work.

and heres the reason why ive been diagnosed as psychotic. im a nights person. and i used to
enjoy walking a special little walk i had at nights, listening to music. perhaps 1½ year ago, i
began to feel i was being watched now and then, and when i turned my head around for a second i
sometimes saw shadowy figures standing far behind me. i was also scared alot. these things also
began to appear at work (i work night shift at a factory) i also misheard noises for music
sometimes, and a few times even for muffled voices. all of the time i was still aware of them
being irrational.

the doctor said i was suspicious (they later changed it to paranoid delusions for some reason),
and that the things i saw and heard were illusions, and put me on risperdal, which actually took
away all of the symptoms.

im suffering from negative symptoms. the doctor hasnt given me any names for them, but i guess
its mainly anhedonia, and perhaps also avolition. the only treatment ive gotten so far
was an increased dosage of risperdal, which helped a bit but way too little.

im also a hopeless daydreamer, every chance i get im stuck into a daydream/fantasy, and its to
the point that it actually affects my work sometimes. not good.

i would describe myself as an eccentric person. i fit well on the description available on
wikipedia. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eccentricity_(behavior)

i also do believe in ESP, ghosts UFO's etc. i dont believe that i have any special powers
(i have flirted with the idea though), but ive always believed and been interested in such things.

i also have what i at least suspect is cognitive disorders. like bad memory, incapability of learning stuff,
and problems with concentration etc. havent been tested for it though.


I also did that SPQ-test, and here are my results:

Ideas of reference 5 out of 9 Unsure 0
Excessive social anxiety 7 out of 8 Unsure 0
Odd beliefs or magical thinking 2 out of 7 Unsure 0
Unusual perceptual experiences 5 out of 9 Unsure 0
Odd or eccentric behavior 5 out of 7 Unsure 0
No close friends 8 out of 9 Unsure 0
Odd speech 3 out of 9 Unsure 0
Constricted affect 4 out of 8 Unsure 0
Suspiciousness 6 out of 8 Unsure 2
Total SPQ-A 45 out of 74


i think this was everything. ive mentioned all of it for my doctor, and he blames psychosis for it, but most of these symptoms have been around for years. so if you actually managed to get down here, i would like to thank you for actually reading my story and then im a bit curious what you think!

First I have to say that no-one here can diagnose you, none of us are trained for that. *End of disclaimer*

I think you definitely meet the criteria for schizotypal disorder. But I can also see why someone would diagnose you with a psychotic disorder, based on your descriptions of paranoid ideation. I've heard of other people being psychotic and still being able to question their thoughts. But like you say, you still hold on to those thoughts and ideas even though you question them.

I think you should bring up StPD with your doctor directly. He's probably going to ask you why you think you have that, so you should maybe make a list of your symptoms beforehand. Even if he doesn't agree with you, he might be able to explain to you why he gave you a diagnosis of psychosis.

Come back and tell us how it's going, yeah?

Karla

the big problem ive had though, is that when i make a suggestion of diagnosis theyre like
"youre smart, you read alot, and íts easy to get stuck on things you read about", so suggesting
anything seems to be a waste of time.

and on the other hand, they seem to have no idea whatsoever of what im suffering from
and diagnosing me as psychotic seems to be a big guess they made.

i will, however, meet another doctor in late july (sweden is sick, it takes months between
the actual appointments), that obviously is an expert on personality disorders, so well
see what he has to say about this. perhaps suggesting schizotypal to him might be easier.

You seem to be paranoid for me.

Kashya wrote:You seem to be paranoid for me.

yeah, i agree that im paranoid, but i dont think im paranoid in a psychotic way...

Hard to tell which comes first (the chicken or the egg), the paranoia or the high anxiety relating to social situations. It's always so hard to discern which is cause and which is affect when it comes to disorders.. well many things.

Hm.. The universal question: Why. Is the paranoia caused by extreme anxiety, or is the anxiety caused by paranoid ideas/thoughts?

*ponderponder*

Edit: By the way, I don't think you're psychotic; well, from what I've read.