Anyways...
I've always been a loner, always been called weird, always developed fantasies, I'm sure certain people can read my mind and I'm afraid of them, some times I think I can control others and some times I think I make it rain, I cannot read a book unless it is about science or involving escapism or some type of fantasy world, I have extreme social anxiety, but I also think everyone is in love with me, and I'm very good with people if it's a one time thing, because I study them and know exactly what they want to hear. I get strange urges to do things such as jumping onto things or cracking my neck, and I scratch my head all the time. I over analyze everything, and I don't understand why people do the things they do. I don't get along with any one, and when I make friends it's very temporary and I can never relate to them. I can't stand being so lonely any more, but I'm also scared, and I know there's no one I can turn to for help. I'm 22, I have a boyfriend who I frighten some times, but I have no idea why. I'm also very paranoid about him leaving me or developing plots to make me upset, even though we never fight. I love him so much and I want him to know, but I'm afraid of everything. I can't talk to him about this, or anyone for that matter, I don't think anyone will take me seriously or I'm scared they will think I want attention. I just don't want to be lonely any more and I want to feel like I'm a girl.
I took the SPD test and answered yes to most of the questions, but I'm scared I'm just saying yes to say yes, if that makes sense. Do I fit the SPD profile or do I need to do more research? I really hope I have found a community I can be a part of. Thanks for your help and for reading.
