Schizotypal Forum

As you probably know, one of the SPD criteria in the DSM is lack of close friends beyond relatives. I'd like to know first of all IF you deal with any loneliness because of that, and secondly how you do?

I used to have friends before the complete onset of the disorder, and I systematically pushed them away until I was completely alone, and now I have been for almost a decade. I find some solace in the closeness of my family, who are my only contacts with the outside world. The internet also helps, obviously, since we can be semi-anonymous and still talk to people.

Also, does anyone have strange obsessions with people nearby (strangers) or people who used to be in your life?

I've dealt with loneliness. I do have friends and I see them every week, but I still can feel lonely.

When I was on sick-leave from school, I didn't have anything to do all day and it made me very lonely. I would just sit at home in from of the computer. Then I started going to this club house for people with MI, and it really helped with the loneliness. That way, I saw people everyday, some of whom I could relate to because we were all in the same boat so to speak.

The only cure for loneliness is seeing other people. So see if you can find a way to do that in a way that is bearable. Maybe you can attend some kind of afternoon class or something?

The clubhouse I go to has clubhouses all over the world, maybe there's one near you? Hereis a list of houses.

systemstheory88 wrote:Also, does anyone have strange obsessions with people nearby (strangers) or people who used to be in your life?

I used to have obsessions with people - both strangers, the people around me and people who used to be in my life. I think I was obsessed with them because I wanted to be close to people so badly, but didn't know how to. Also, I thought I was in love with them when I was just really obsessed by the thought of being with them and being close to them. I've read their diaries even, just to get inside their heads. I don't do that anymore.

I don't have this tendency of idolizing and being obsessed with people anymore, but I don't know how that came to be, so I can't really advise you on that one. Maybe it's because I'm in a close circle of friends now so I have the closeness with other people I need.

MGMT wrote:I used to have obsessions with people - both strangers, the people around me and people who used to be in my life. I think I was obsessed with them because I wanted to be close to people so badly, but didn't know how to. Also, I thought I was in love with them when I was just really obsessed by the thought of being with them and being close to them. I've read their diaries even, just to get inside their heads. I don't do that anymore.

that's pretty much what i have done.. and did all through high school and maybe a year after. i had no friends and didn't have the courage to talk to anyone.
I also seem to hold grudges against these girls that picked on me throughout high school and pretended to be my friends. I was obsessed with them for a while, in a bad way...
I dont think about them much anymore, or if i do i don't mull over it anymore. it used to be pretty bad.

I seem to be an easy target for bullies. I think I read that that was common for people with SPD?

I thought I was in love with them when I was just really obsessed by the thought of being with them and being close to them. I've read their diaries even, just to get inside their heads.

That's very interesting to me, as I have had a chillingly similar experience. I won't say who, because I have a sneaking suspicion that they spy on me (and yes, I do realize that this is probably textbook paranoid ideation), but I have spent far, far too much time reading up on the lives of people I haven't spoken to in years. My thoughts about them range from pity, to anger, to idealization, to wistfulness. I sometimes read their journals, many times I read their activities on social networking sites, and save pictures of them to my computer which I stare at late at night, sadly. Do I sound like a stalker to anyone else? I don't feel like a stalker... I probably shouldn't be putting any of this in writing.

that's pretty much what i have done.. and did all through high school and maybe a year after. i had no friends and didn't have the courage to talk to anyone.

For me it's been 3-4 years since I've talked with them, and ever since I can't move on. I think it doesn't help that I have no friends to move on to. I'm a pretty charming guy, I just never feel at ease enough to let that part of me show, or to even get into a situation where I might be able to.

I seem to be an easy target for bullies. I think I read that that was common for people with SPD?

I've read the same thing. I think it had something to do with the fact that we don't act quite like other people, and bullies pick us out to pick on. I've personally never had trouble with bullies, as when I was that age I was more likely to befriend a bully than fight one, because of my need to avoid conflict. Perhaps that's part of my personality outside of SPD.

systemstheory88 wrote:but I have spent far, far too much time reading up on the lives of people I haven't spoken to in years. My thoughts about them range from pity, to anger, to idealization, to wistfulness. I sometimes read their journals, many times I read their activities on social networking sites, and save pictures of them to my computer which I stare at late at night, sadly.

yes yes, i still do that, though not so much anymore... i have a whole folder full of pictures of people i used to know or talked to once, or even wanted to know. i have even saved pictures from their facebooks/myspace/journals/etc
I am so paranoid of people looking through my documents, I wonder what they would think of me; if I would be considered creepy?

as far as loneliness goes, I am not alone right now, but still I have a deep sadness that I'm not sure where it is from... when I am with people, I am still lonely. Although I have people around me that care about me, and I care for them as well, I think I will always feel this way. I wonder if the gap could be filled by a soul mate? since I believe in that... but I don't really know for sure.

yes yes, i still do that, though not so much anymore... i have a whole folder full of pictures of people i used to know or talked to once, or even wanted to know. i have even saved pictures from their facebooks/myspace/journals/etc
I am so paranoid of people looking through my documents, I wonder what they would think of me; if I would be considered creepy?

My experience is almost a carbon copy of yours, based on what you're saying. I wonder if it has something to do with SPD in particular. It's good to know I'm not alone, but I guess I wouldn't wish it on anyone just to make me feel less creepy.

So... After posting this, I went on Facebook to see if some of the people I was talking about have any new photos, and I noticed that they've changed their privacy settings so that I can't look at their pictures.

...am I just paranoid, or are they reading this?

I have been without friends for close to ten years as well, I started cutting ties when I was 14. Only after graduating from college did I realize how odd it was that I didn't have any friends. I don't speak much at work, mostly because I have nothing to say, my coworkers and I have no similar interest outside our profession so what's there to talk about. I recently went to a dating site/ friend meeting site for geeks, my main interest is anime, and have been emailing someone through that. Thats really the only way I think I can meet people is through the internet. I'm close to my family and I have a dog, which is my main connection. Over all I don't feel lonely unless I'm around other people like at work, then I feel like I should be more like them. I'm not sure if that qualifies as loneiness but its what I feel.

Mirror wrote:Over all I don't feel lonely unless I'm around other people like at work, then I feel like I should be more like them. I'm not sure if that qualifies as loneiness but its what I feel.

Feeling lonely in a crowd of people definitely qualifies as real loneliness IMO.