Schizotypal Forum

Schizotypal is described as having innapropriate or constricted affect. I believe I appear flat to other people, but on the inside I am strongly anxious. I also have the capacity to experience joy and depression as internal states which I don't outwardly express (not counting breakdowns which seem to open flood gates of everything, so not my normal self in other words). I was wondering how others experience their emotional lives.

My emotional life is very flat as well. They also seem to be limited to a very small range of emotions such as sadness, irritation, light joy. But not strong emotions like desire, rage or extreme sadness. When I was a teenager, I remember feeling very sad and miserable for long stretches of times, but I guess that comes with the territory when being a teenager.

It does worry me at times, why I don't seem to be as emotional as other other people. But on the other hand, I have been like this all my life. I think it's just the way my temper is. And yes, I think it has to do with being schizotypal too.

I am both melancholic and choleric. I could be very angry and aggressive, I could be flat and shallow. I can be sarcastic. Sometimes I laugh or smile in inappropriate times. When my grandfather passed away I was very sad but I could not shed no drop of tear. I could be strong or weak. But I never experienced depression I more angry on present situation rather than sad.

I did experience depression in my marriage. My marriage was such that I just let myself go. I didn't care about important things like something as simple as brushing teeth or hygene. Life wasn't getting better, positivity was not there and I just didn't care.
Now I'm paying for it. Scared totally crapless about the future being single again. 100% convinced I did the right thing. I talk to myself I do all kinds of things the norms would like to lock me up and throw the key away for. I have issues with norms. If they don't like me I'll show them the door and tell them don't let it hit them in the butt on the way out too.
My attitude is changing and I am doing better, I am generally happier now, still panicky but getting better. In the case of norms we are never going to be able to beat them and we sure can't join them. So let's just be us and learn to live with us as who we are.